Is Your Baggage From Past Relationships Hurting Your Current Ones?

2 min read

Do you remember your first boyfriend or girlfriend? As a thirteen-year-old you knew that he/she was “the one”. You were probably inseparable, spending everyday together and talking on the phone every night. This is what most teens have been waiting for their whole life. It was pure bliss.


Then one day, out of nowhere, they break up with you. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You played heartbreaking love songs on repeat, didn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and had no clue how to go on. 


You might remember watching romantic comedies where people would eat ice cream and go out with their girl/guy friends to supposedly ease their pain, so you might have tried that too. It didn't work. But since you thought it should work you pretended to be okay when you weren't.


You could have even started drinking to numb the pain. 


One thing was certain, you would never allow anyone to hurt you that way again! 


You most likely got into another relationship, but this time you were more cautious. You never truly opened up therefore they never got to know the real you. This was a pattern that would continue for years. What was at first a choice to protect you heart at all costs became a way of life. You got so comfortable living with unresolved emotional pain from past relationships that you didn’t even realize you were doing it anymore. Still, you wondered why you couldn’t find the romantic connections you so desperately wanted.   


After each break up it was the same story. Eat ice cream, flirt with new people, sleep long days to avoid feeling your feelings, pretend you were okay by posting fake happy photos on social media, all the while being in pain and truly wanting love. 


Sadly, this is the story for many people. In an attempt to shield yourself from normal and natural emotional pain you make decisions to keep your heart protected instead. Sometimes it's a conscious decision, and other times it disguises itself in sarcasm, humor, being too busy, focusing on work or anything else that acts as a shield to letting people connect to your heart. 


You see, unresolved emotional pain robs you of choice. When you carry the baggage from your past losses it limits your ability to be fully present in your new relationships. Sometimes it limits your ability to form new partnerships at all. This can be in romantic relationships, friendships, parenting and even with pets.


Have you ever gotten a new pet after your last one died and noticed you didn’t bond with the new pet in the way you bonded with the old one? It’s the same thing people do in romantic relationships. It’s tough to be fully present in a new relationship when you’re carrying the baggage from the old ones.


That’s where The Grief Recovery Method comes in. If you do the work you know that you will ultimately be okay no matter what happens in your life. You will get freedom of choice in how you participate in your relationship moving forward.

I am here to help you walk that journey. My 7-week course is available when you are. Send me a comment to learn more about my 1:1 Grief Recovery Method course.